HILLARY
Do you believe that our world is more complicated now then when you were growing up?

JACK
Life is infinitely more complicated than it was when I was a kid, and even when you were a kid.

HILLARY
How do we contend with it?

JACK
There is no single answer except as to your state of mind. I suggest keeping it simple. Be in reality, not what you are hoping or praying for. Find the reality of your situation and go for a real solution. Be honest with yourself, and acknowledge if something is unworkable. Whatever heavy problem you have you must attack it from the positive side, and if you are in a predicament look at yourself for how you got into this mess. Of course there are always a number of people who can bear some of the responsibility, at the end of the day YOU are the one that must be responsible for your own destiny. We can spend a lot of time talking about conditions and the world around us, but unfortunately they will not change. I also feel that the outside forces with which we contend do grow increasingly more complicated and difficult. In the face of all this, as individuals, we must be convinced that we have within us the power to improve our situation.

In today’s commercial world most people are dealing with less opportunity. The autoworker in Detroit loses his or her job of the past twenty years. Now, how does he support himself and his family? There is a world of opportunity, but sometimes you have to think “out of the box”. For example, an architect being employed by a major firm loses his job. He then must ask himself, what his training and his skills are to do something else. There are many new opportunities with government contractors, where there has been a huge infusion of funds to build roads, bridges and other structures. If you cannot get a job with one of these people, why not set yourself up as an independent contractor performing services for them. For many, the problem can become an opportunity to get away from a dead end job, and pursue a new career. The prime rules that I would put to it are 1) it has to be something that you really enjoy doing, 2) there are multiple opportunities, and 3) money is being spent in large enough sums to attract your attention. The worst thing that you can do is throw your hands up in the air and complain about how bad things are. The difference between recognizing the opportunities and despairing over the conditions is in your state of mind.

Yes, the world is definitely more complicated but the opportunities are far greater, partly due to these complications.

HILLARY
So if we try to live positively, and seek out success where we can conceive of looking, you think that we’ll have another period of peace and prosperity?

JACK
I cannot speak for the world at large, but as individuals we will definitely have a better life with a positive outlook. I have one thing to add to it – you can’t fake a positive outlook, and you can’t try to convince yourself if you don’t have it. You just have to make the necessary changes that will allow you to deal with reality, contend with the problems, and keep all the positive influences at your side.

HILLARY
What’s a positive influence in your mind?

JACK
You must be convinced that there is an answer to your problem. Sometimes the qualities that you look for are hidden, and you really have to search for them. The other part of it is we must understand that we cannot change other people, or often our situation; we can only change our attitude towards it.

JACK
We haven’t done a posting in a few weeks, and of course that’s been due to my medical problems, which fortunately are being resolved. I don’t know what habit pattern everyone else has, but in my case my mind has been mostly busy with the affairs of the day, and the reality of the world. The deeper in thought I get, the more I realize that one of our problems is our tendency to think in absolutes. There are relatively few universal truths, rather our lives consist of a series of contradictions. Where many people consider there is one truth, I believe there are different versions that we need to understand if we are going to maximize our efforts.

HILLARY
In order to comprehend what you are saying, perhaps it would be useful for us to define what you mean by “truth”.

JACK
There are truths with which you cannot argue. Two plus two will always equal four. I believe that we have it within our power to rationalize whatever we do, and use this kind of mathematical truth as a reason. Truth becomes very evasive when we seek motivation as well as results. The anatomy of complete truth is when nothing is hidden.

A friend of mine applied for a very important and high paying job. He thought he was uniquely qualified and even seemed to gain the support and the confidence of the chief headhunter. There were many applicants for the position (I’m sure this is mirrored around the country). The chief headhunter specifically suggested that he dig deep into his writing skills, and the history of his life, to create the most compelling job application possible. My friend called on writer friends and newspaper people to help him hone his qualifications, while in keeping with the real needs of the organization. In time we found out that our friend was eliminated early, and that the application was never read. When we analyzed why the job hunt was unsuccessful the obvious answer is that they were looking for someone with a completely different background. No one was lying, but the truth that would have worked would be my friend finding out at the beginning why he would be eliminated, giving him the knowledge to approach with an alternate campaign beyond an application. So truth becomes a question of degree, and a feeling of reality.

If one has simply an intellectual grasp, there is not enough depth to work with. I believe that if a friend is a friend he will tell me all he knows about something that is vital to me, and let me be the judge of what part of it will be used. Anything less than that is ineffective.

HILLARY
It seems to me that there are many different levels of truth. I’m sure your friend’s headhunter was told to have people write extensive applications. It may just be that he was also told that people with particular backgrounds would not be considered. Telling your friend to write the application was true. That was the way to get the job, but the complete truth would have been to say, you’re particular background will likely not be considered, but if you wish to do an application, this is what they are looking for. Then your friend could have chosen to pursue relationships, or other avenues to open their minds, rather than spending countless hours on an application that would never get read. A true friend wouldn’t conceal a piece of truth like that.

JACK
We don’t reveal everything we know. What we do reveal is part of our decision making process. The real question centers on why you are revealing these truths. If you are intellectually invested you may be satisfied to say, they are accepting applications and this is the number of words they are looking for, and this is the form it should take. So the “part” truth has been told, but the “whole” truth needs to be told. If your motivation is to try to get the job then he needed to tell the entire truth. If he’s doing it simply to let you know that he is doing HIS job, then there would be an inclination to stick to the intellectual truth. The problem with real truth is that it gets sloppy. I’m always reminded of that great scene in “A Few Good Men” when Jack Nicholson explodes at Tom Cruise, “You can’t handle the truth!” It is rare that people are advised to think with emotion, but the time calls for it.

HILLARY
So how is someone supposed to get the whole-truth?

JACK
This is even tougher than telling the whole truth. I have a few ways that help me determine this answer. Listen with the “inner ear”. The inner ear not only hears what people say, but hears how people say it and what they mean. To get the whole truth, no question should be left unanswered; Always ask for more information. Understand the motivation, where everyone is coming from, and respond with a goal to get the information that you need for your own success. And remember the truth you want isn’t necessarily the truth you get.

JACK
For some time now, I have been mulling over the impact of news and events flooding us on a daily basis. What seems to emerge in public discussion is a great deal of confusion and misunderstanding, and in some cases, a complete lapse of logic. I was triggered by the demonstrations on April 15 around the country protesting our enormous taxation, and the administration’s tendency to spend much more than is taken in.

I’m trying to be non-partisan, but I cannot put my arms around the idea that Mr. Obama is responsible for all the problems that we have, and the fact that he is called everything from a “communist” to a “fascist dictator”. Perhaps I’ve been asleep, but haven’t the same protestors been in power for eight years and would have to take responsibility for the unbelievable mess in which we found the economy in general, and the plight of individuals in particular? The same group of ultra-conservatives took over the largest surplus in history and in eight short years has converted it into the largest deficit. At the same time, they cannot by any logic claim to have improved our position in the world.

HILLARY
What I find even more disturbing is that the protestors don’t really know why they are out there on the street. They are holding pictures of our president dressed in a Nazi uniform, with a Hitler mustache, calling him a fascist. Yet, when they are asked why they believe this and they answer, “because he is one”. People are angry, and rightly so, but vitriol for its own sake solves nothing. It doesn’t trouble me to have opposition. It doesn’t even really bother me when the politicians who have been running the show for the past eight years come out and claim that the sky is falling and it’s President Obama’s fault. That’s politics as usual in the United States. What I find so troubling is the lack of intellectual rigor – a clear alternative plan from the minority, or the people expressing frustration on the street having something specific to say, or demand. The generalized angry that is being fomented in our country is an unfocused powder keg, and the opposition leaders are stirring the pot.

JACK
In reality crowds and demonstrations are stirred by emotion, and in many cases there is very little logic.

HILLARY
I have to jump in right there. I went to protests, and political rallies over the past eight years. And while there were images of President Bush that some could call offensive, there was also a laundry list of complaints, evidence, concise arguments for alternative action. I don’t think that ALL crowds and demonstrations show little logic, but the ones we’re seen lately certainly are lacking.

JACK
I made no statement on the logic or the truth behind the demonstrations; either those that you think were good or those that you think were bad. I merely say that it takes emotion to get you out into the street. Let’s take a look at the simple facts of the recent “Tea Party”. The prototype was during the American Revolution when the colonists dumped tea into the harbor in Boston to protest oppressive taxation without representation. I think that we can agree that there was logic, truth and sense, but it also only happened because the colonists were emotional about the issue. This Tea Party of 2009 is punctured with so many misstatements that, in many cases, it became laughable. First of all, whatever taxes we have paid have been levied, and were done so by our own representatives who were elected by a vast majority. Fox News provided the fuel, with a continuous barrage of resentment.

HILLARY
It wasn’t just that. They organized these events weeks in advance. Over the last 8 years, it’s not as if MSNBC was saying “meet us here” for anti-war protest, and those demonstrations were lucky to get 5 minutes coverage anywhere. What Fox News did was “create” news instead of cover it.

JACK
And there was a vast segment of the population who was aware of this and greatly destroyed the impact when people recognized how little fact and substance was behind the movement. You cannot compare it to the anti-war protests, which carried with it the element of truth. In fact, we were involved in a war for which the public had lost its enthusiasm, if it ever had any. But I don’t want to digress from my main points. How do we as individuals digest all of the truths, half-truths, and non-truths, and how do we react positively.

First of all, I refuse to have any illogical debates that really have little or no bearing on our lives. I accept the fact the present Congress and the administration are our duly elected representatives. One of the beauties of American democracy is the right to demonstrate and repeat any outrageous statements that we ourselves believe.

The point is we each have an area of influence. It usually involves our personal beings and a number of people with whom we are closely associated. I realize that we cannot change all the facts as stated above; I am stating that we have complete control over how we react. There is no doubt, for example, that the ranks of the unemployed are growing at an alarming rate. In addition to what the government does, I think it is incumbent on each individual to do whatever is possible to help his own particular situation. It does little good to hold your head in your hands and commiserate with others suffering the same plight. I founded a company 56 years ago, and I think its survival and prosperity came be attributed to our ability to deal with the real facts. Like almost everybody else we have been hit by the recession, and have suffered a loss in revenues because some of our clients were the very people being held responsible for our predicament. We now have to pursue other avenues of business that are in our capability. Where our major clients in the past have been banks, real estate people, and insurance companies, we are now unearthing an entire new world in the “Green” economy, and in the various businesses that are being spurred by the need for renewable energy and repairs to our infrastructure. We must replace oil as our major source of energy, and suddenly I am finding new clients who are operating wind turbines, and are providing healthcare. Our efforts are spurred by continuing education from the company, and a huge cooperative effort among our employees.

I have on an informal basis consulted with other people and businesses that have suffered, and now must take a good intelligent look at today’s world and gear up to service it. I am encouraged by an article that I saw by a group of autoworkers in Michigan who signed up for courses in nursing, a field in which there is huge demands. The old adage still works “find the need and fill it”. However, we must be aware of the fact that the need continually changes, and we must change with it.

HILLARY
I think that there is a universal message in here. When dealt a blow, whether it’s a pink slip or a bad diagnosis, or the end of a relationship, there is window for a positive or a negative reaction. If you choose to bury your head in your hands, or get drunk or angry, then you will miss the opportunities that a positive reaction brings.

JACK
I would like to add one word of caution. The opportunity does not jump up and hit you in the face. We must all develop the discipline that enables us to separate, analyze, study, then hurdle these obstacles and come out on the other side.

JACK
It has been three weeks since we did our last posting. I would like to say that it was something frivolous that kept us from our scheduled rounds. The reality is that the past several weeks have forced me to make a life-changing decision. I have often expressed my feelings that, on the path through life, we pass many landmines. Having lived for 85 years I passed through the Great Depression of the 1930s, World War II, and the daily dangers of life, which grow at an alarming rate. In addition to accidents and illness, many of us have a feeling of doom that goes with the massive amounts of frightening news. I have heard more disaster stories in the past few weeks than in the past twenty years. So many people have lost their jobs, retirement incomes, and their ability to pay for basic medicine that is increasingly more important as one gets older.

Over the past three years I have been threatened by a Staph infection that resulted from two knee replacements. My body was waging a losing fight against the Staph infection, with the use of antibiotics that were no longer proving effective. The only medical treatment that I was offered was what my doctor described as the “Hiroshima” of operations. Actually, it involves two knee surgeries and intravenous antibiotic treatment for six weeks in between surgeries. The time had come to make a decision. It was a long, tough mental battle whether I was prepared to endure another year of pain and uncertainty. I was informed that at the end of the line the operation had an 85% chance for success. At 85, it was not an easy decision - either do it, or toss in the towel.

HILLARY
So I’m seating here with you 2 ½ weeks post-operative. I know it’s early, but do you feel like taking on this process was the right choice?

JACK
At this point, I could say much about my quality of life, but once the decision was made it seemed to me there was no other place to go. And, as I have always been an optimist, I was able to turn this tough decision around and consider how fortunate I was that the problem was something that could be cured. Even at this very rough stage, as I am in the process of recovering from the first operation, I have turned my mental state around so that I do not dread the next one scheduled for May 19th.

HILLARY
I think this is amazing. Prior to the operation, you and I seriously discussed if the pain of this process would be too much, and not worth the effort. You said that if you were my age, or even 20 years younger, you wouldn’t hesitate to have the operations. At 85, however, the stress and risks were higher, and the potential benefit was questionable and certainly not guaranteed. So, what internal debate did you have that geared you up for this challenge?

JACK
First is the understanding that there are no guarantees in life. Then I thought of what Shakespeare wrote in Julius Caesar - “Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once.” The genius of great writing is that it always reflects the universal truth.

HILLARY
So what are you saying – you couldn’t back down from a fight?

JACK
When you’re in combat you face death every time you go out, and perhaps this experience helped to eliminate the fear. The dominant thought in the process was that I have led an extraordinary life, and my existence is still very productive.

HILLARY
So, you had hope.

JACK
I therefore felt that exciting and fulfilling new adventures lay ahead, and the process of recovery was one of those adventures from which much can be learned. Also, I realized how thoroughly I enjoy all of my relationships starting with my marriage and family, and proceeding through the many friends and relations I have. There are no guarantees as to how long it will last, but in this new state of mind I could not give it up voluntarily, or at least without one hell of a fight.

HILLARY
I think there is a lesson in your experience for all of us that may be feeling like they are in a crisis situation. You evaluated all of your options, weighing the risks of action and inaction. After you discovered what the choice came down to, you recognized all of the aspects of your life for which you were truly grateful, and there was enough for you to push through this terrible time. If we can focus on the things that we have, rather than focus on the struggle itself, then we can choose to let those aspects empower us to get past any crisis.

JACK
The operative word is “choice”. We all have to come to grips with our own realities. When I was in the middle of my career I coined the phrase that “All Business is Personal”. Now as I look at the many decisions that we make, the truth hits me that “All Living is Personal”. This applies to anything that affects us, no matter how remote. At the end of each circumstance you have a choice to make, and this choice leads to many more choices. Isn’t it fascinating that my choice to endure the operations and treatments can lead to a whole new stream of experiences?

HILLARY
So you’re thankful?

JACK
The remarkable happening is the outpouring of love and good wishes from family and friends around the world. This gives me a very warm feeling, and makes me VERY thankful. And now I look forward to the next chapter.

HILLARY
Recently, I have been forced to ask myself how best to support the people I love. Generally, I look to help my friends and family in any way that I can. If someone needs a place to stay, I help them find it or they stay with me. If someone needs help planning a wedding, I run whatever errands I can to help. If someone needs help moving, I help them move and give them whatever I can to help set up their home. If someone needs to be bailed out, I go bail them out. What I have found is that no matter how many times I go running to help people, if they don’t want to help themselves then my actions are futile. Telling someone who needs help that you aren’t going to help anymore is incredibly difficult, but that’s exactly the position in which I find myself. I feel such turmoil about this, and I worry for the wellbeing of my friend, but I am not qualified to help people who are unwilling to help themselves.

JACK
It seems to me that you’re having an experience that would parallel a very bad dream. You’re watching your friend as she moves steadily towards a cliff that she will surely fall off if she continues in the same direction. You try to call out, you’re screaming “Stop! You’re going to go over the cliff,” but the nightmare is that there is no sound. You can’t hear yourself scream and, even more importantly, your friend does not hear your scream of anguish. How do you get your voice? How are you able to be heard? How can you alter the course that she is on? I feel that you are experiencing a helpless involvement, but you can’t get the sound. We all go through similar experiences. I have seen friends literally destroy themselves, and my frustration runs the gamut from not wanting to inject my presence to how do I keep my friend from going over the cliff? The problem would be solved if you could persuade your friend to seek competent professional help, but I really feel the helplessness that you are experiencing is the realization that you have a lack of power to alter an inevitable conclusion. One road is to continue to try to find your voice. The other is to accept the fact that you do not have the power to change that particular situation. Although this relieves you of the responsibility, it can leave you with a hell of a hangover and you then become the patient.

Over the years, I have struggled with the same conundrum. At 21, I was one of an army that dropped incendiary bombs on crowded cities. On the one hand, I was awarded a medal for following orders in what seemed to be a noble cause. On the other hand, I will never erase the memory. Of course, the thought entered my mind “if I refuse to drop the bombs I could be shot as a traitor.” The result is that I have the medal and the memory. When you speak of your friend, can you dismiss the consequences of no action? Or are you a realist that you do not have the power to change it?

HILLARY
It seems to me that not running to help is the only change that I can make that has any hope of success. I have tried multiple courses of action, which have either temporary or no effectiveness and I am left frustrated, saddened and worried that I’ve only made things worse. At some point, I realized that I don’t have the power to change my friend’s path. Only she can do that. I’m so scared for her, and I want her to be well, but I rest at night knowing that I have been the best friend that I possibly can be.

JACK
Do you think that this friend would benefit by getting the right kind of professional help?

HILLARY
Absolutely.

JACK
Have you ever suggested that?

HILLARY
Virtually every time we’ve spoken over the past year I have suggested that she get professional counseling. Recently I suggested that she get in-patient professional help to deal with the issues that seem to be overwhelming her. I’m not the only one suggesting that she needs serious help, but she continues to ignore the people in her life who love her most.

JACK
I really believe that you cannot help people who will not help themselves. Trying to help a friend who is an addict is enormously frustrating. After going as far as you can, even helping to pay for it, you have to accept the fact that you are powerless. Whatever offer you make to your friend you can keep it open and try to avoid judgment. The kindest thing you can do is to help find a solution, but having that rejected the next step is to be kind to yourself. Keep the offer open, but don’t blame yourself if it’s never accepted. You cannot stop her progress to the edge of the cliff.

HILLARY
We talk about communication, and how talking to people can resolve almost anything, but it seems that good communication is also knowing at what point you say good-bye.